day 8. write a letter to someone you've been thinking about lately
Hi handsome.
I was determined to NOT have the two same recipient for any of the letters, but I've been waiting and delaying myself from writing this letter to find another person to, you know, write to. But well, here goes.
Lately, I know I've been sucked into this weird, dark world. Behaving like a paranoid-and-pessimist person, which is not a great combination too. I am secretly hoping that this is not what they call depression, because I've never been past that boundary. And I never want to.
Recently, I'm starting to doubt everything around me. The people around me, the words they said, their looks, their sometimes-hurtful side comments. And sadly, that includes you.
In addition to the latest incident(s) occurred, I'm losing my head. My sanity slips away, inch by inch. Everything active about me, slowly turned passive. More frequent visits from my good ol' nightmare. What's hard is I actually am aware of all that, but I can't do anything about it. Because everything is so ridiculously illogical, and my brain can't comprehend nor accept that.
I want to let it go. But I can't. I keep on thinking about it, about you, about that simple but destructive phase. Don't ask me to let that go, because, like I said, it's too absurd to let that thing go away just like that.
It's touching how you keep pulling me back to our reality, instead of pushing my already-distanced self away even more. How you keep showering me with all the love you have to keep me away from my bad place. How you struggled to keep up with my sort-of depression. How you convince me to not believe in those nightmares and those hallucinations. How you always remind me that you are always there for me.
Believe me when I say, I am trying my hardest to not let what happened get in between us. I'm sorry for dragging you to my bad place. I love you.
Love,
Yaya.
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