Back to December?

Everybody asked me to be strong. And I'm sure that they also know I'm not capable of doing that. I may be strong, but not as nearly as strong.

They might say I'm a crazy ex. Too clingy. Overly-attached. Maybe I am. But people have always known how much I loved him. To unlove a person is a whole different matter. To unlove is another painful process and honestly, I've faced so many pain the last three weeks, that I'm surprised how I can still stand and face the world. With a smile on my face.

Well, even with puffy eyes. Hahah, that would mean a sorry to my ETP folks. You guys had been the best and yes, you guys cheered up my days and nights that we've spent together. I wished we hung out sooner, more time to watch you guys eat and getting crazy over slides and poster, hahahah. I owe you people, and I wish you guys all the happiness the world could offer.

Maybe He up there knows that he built me with a high emotional pain threshold, despite the hopeless-romantic heart. I couldn't quite hate him, but thinking again, isn't it good that hatred is not a possibility right now? God knows in front of how much people he decided to ruin my image; misleading them to believe my shyness is actually arrogance, portrayed me as the bad guy. If that's even true, I couldn't do the same for him. You don't fight fire with fire, do you? But it's definitely foolish to pick on a healed scab and hurt yourself again on purpose so you'd have a reason to insult people, while pretending to not see the scars and unhealed wounds you've inflicted on others.

There's nothing He'll give us that we couldn't handle, and even though I couldn't brush away the physical pain that manifests itself in my chest during times like these, I felt grateful that I'm still on His radar.

But to add another kind of pain? Let's just say, I've decided to go with the flow. I couldn't stay, nor I could fix and prove to him that I could change. And I can't really move on. Not just yet. But yeah. The flow is there, I just have to take a plunge and make what's the best of the ride. To be distracted is a blessing. But sometimes, I willing think of him and I couldn't be more grateful. He's like my very own Zainal Arief, but unfortunately I'm not the Kamilia Najwa in this tale.

No, not the drama. I don't think Adi Putra is even 10 meters close to how Zainal is described in my favorite novel of all time. Nope, I hate the drama. Ew.

And yes, randomity at its best. Have a blessed Friday, people! :)