Unbeknowst to 99.99% of people.

I'm not much, you know? I'm not intelligent, I'm not talented, I'm not a serious sportsperson, I'm not beautiful. I am, as I said earlier, not much.

To be honest, I'm that kind of person who'll get lost and drown in the sea of crowd.

It's pretty hard living like this, you know. This situation had been going on for a while. The moment I think I got high marks in Addmaths, there'll be somebody with more marks. The moment I thought I'm the most versatile player on my team, there'll be somebody else with better achievements. The moment I think I gave my hardest to become the best from scratch, there'll be somebody else, ruining it for me.

Don't get me wrong, I welcome competition. But I don't know. It's even harder when I have no special talents. Maybe like what, running, softball? I wanted to pursue both, believe me. My idol, who was my coach back when I was form five, was the reason, the driving force, the living proof, that softball exists in universities. But this is not UM, tho.

But really. I don't have any talents. I'm a plain jane, literally. Maybe that's why I hate competitions. I worked my ass to get to the point where people knows me for that, from just dirt. And then, some people just waltz into my life and took that whatever title from me.

And I have to be what, happy for them people? Happy that whatever I worked for to get to the top had been snatched away by someone else? Happy that I no longer that special somebody in any of those field? Those really are some rhetorical questions, but that's what I did anyway. Just be happy and keeping my delightful face up. 

Now do you still dare to tell me to "just be happy, go with the flow" bullshit with some occasional side-eyeings, with a hint of loathing whenever I feel down, or when I can't keep my "happy" mask on? I'd rather you shut the fuck up and stop those side-glances that you thought I didn't see because really, you have no idea what is going on in my head.

I'm not much. I'm perfectly awesome at being average. Even when I tried so hard, there'll always be someone better. And imagine that, times ten, or ten thousand and having to be perfectly happy with that fact.