Letting go.
At first, I was reluctant. To delete my old blog, once and for all.
I couldn't understand why I didn't want to do that.
My past wasn't pretty. It was stained with betrayal, rumors, lies, fabricated evidence, set ups, disgusted looks, unsatisfied glares, hatred. Name it, I went through all those nasty stuff. No joke. Things that I never expect will happen to me, happened. It wasn't a pleasant surprise, however. It was horrible. And my life went downhill after that. It was long until I recovered from that unexpected fall.
But my past wasn't THAT hideous. No doubt, happiness surfaced here and there. Went travelling out of the state. Met new friends, from all over the country. That exuberance when you won or assisted the team for a well-deserved victory. I still had just a handful of friends, in the end. And I finally understood, how family ties were (and still are) stronger than any friendship.
However things change, whether you like it or not. My life slowly picks up its pace and I was left scrambling, trying to keep up with all this flying shit. Most of the time, I failed. Failed to keep up, failed to adapt myself to the new surrounding, failed to win over the hypnotizing distractions.
But what I have now, I am grateful of it. My family, still accepting me, no matter how crazy and embarrassing I can be. My super tight, close-knit girlfriends, the kind of selfless, funny, intelligent people you would want as friends. My future significant other, in a relationship where two people stuck to each other, no matter how badly our argument went. My somehow close course mates, who I don't know how, but we kinda became best mates during this four-months holidays. My old friends, who checks in once in a while, and continues to make my life shine just like they did back then.
And this one, opinionated person made me realize about one thing. What happened in the past, happened. Sure, all the things you did, even the atom-sized one, made the person who you are now. It scarred you. It made you smile. It made you laugh. It even made you cry. But, whatever you do about it; reminisce, cry, regret it, history can't be changed.
But we can still change and shape the future, God-willing. Am I right?
Some things, you just have to work harder than you ever did to achieve it.
So, with a newfound determination and some help, I gathered every ounce of my will to delete my pathetically-dimwitted blog and create a new, fresh start. *smiles*
And fuck. I'm missing him already. More kilometers separating us.
No matter. We'll get through this. We will.