The moment of truth. The last test of the semester. The night before, I got super distracted. And dear God. I hope it's all about fugacity. With given formulae. I hope for at least half of the full mark. Bismillah.

I am not joking.

Effectively killing some time in the car, listening to Survivor's Eye of the Tiger, after a stressful day. Well, you're looking at a writing of an inexperienced person who made it as a HOD for logistics department for an event next week. HAHAHAH I know. At least now, I've got the approval on its way and insya-Allah, this evening we'll get the bus.

Now I'm just calming myself down before a big Unit Operation Lab 1's oral presentation that will be at noon. Which is about in half an hour. This is so cool, I think? Yeah, five people for only five minutes. Hahah semua cakap macam kilat satgi.

I think I should make my move to block 4 right now. Urgh. Wish me luck people!

Random Yaya Pt. 3

How To Train Your Dragon 2 >>>>>>>>>> bola.  Because the cafe in V5 is showing both. Hahahahahahahah

Random Yaya Pt. 2

Post #69. Never fail to reduce me to a sobbing mess on the floor. Never. And I'm glad we visited the beach, at least once.

Random Yaya Pt. 1

Stayed in the car just to listen to Footloose on air. I'm obsessive liddat.

Hope.

Discovered this song while I was mindlessly driving, attempting to clear my head, a while back. And I fell in love with the lyrics ever since.

Well, since high school, I'm the kind of girl who listens to the words rather than to the melodies. Dedicating them for those who matters, the loved ones. The ones who deserve the uplifting messages, the love letters, the feelings I could never quite convey with my own words. That's when songs enter my life. I've never been wrong about good lyrics and this is not an exception.



I used to think that he's the persona, singing this to me; saving myself from the despairs that have been keeping me in shackles. My knight in the shining armor, if you will. I never have ever thought that he'd do the unthinkable, the opposite thing instead; a disguised, masked person. The very reason why the girl in this song existed.

I was thinking about sharing this song with him when I first listened to it, but now, I'm grateful that I didn't. One of the songs that survived the fallout and still is my favorite without any trace of previous relationship tainting it. Hahah, call me bitter or whatever. You won't say it if you realized how much my favorite things for the past two years were influenced by him. I know, it's somewhat frustrating.

Everything will get better. Everything will be better. And trust me, this song will lift you up, as if the past never existed.

Back to December?

Everybody asked me to be strong. And I'm sure that they also know I'm not capable of doing that. I may be strong, but not as nearly as strong.

They might say I'm a crazy ex. Too clingy. Overly-attached. Maybe I am. But people have always known how much I loved him. To unlove a person is a whole different matter. To unlove is another painful process and honestly, I've faced so many pain the last three weeks, that I'm surprised how I can still stand and face the world. With a smile on my face.

Well, even with puffy eyes. Hahah, that would mean a sorry to my ETP folks. You guys had been the best and yes, you guys cheered up my days and nights that we've spent together. I wished we hung out sooner, more time to watch you guys eat and getting crazy over slides and poster, hahahah. I owe you people, and I wish you guys all the happiness the world could offer.

Maybe He up there knows that he built me with a high emotional pain threshold, despite the hopeless-romantic heart. I couldn't quite hate him, but thinking again, isn't it good that hatred is not a possibility right now? God knows in front of how much people he decided to ruin my image; misleading them to believe my shyness is actually arrogance, portrayed me as the bad guy. If that's even true, I couldn't do the same for him. You don't fight fire with fire, do you? But it's definitely foolish to pick on a healed scab and hurt yourself again on purpose so you'd have a reason to insult people, while pretending to not see the scars and unhealed wounds you've inflicted on others.

There's nothing He'll give us that we couldn't handle, and even though I couldn't brush away the physical pain that manifests itself in my chest during times like these, I felt grateful that I'm still on His radar.

But to add another kind of pain? Let's just say, I've decided to go with the flow. I couldn't stay, nor I could fix and prove to him that I could change. And I can't really move on. Not just yet. But yeah. The flow is there, I just have to take a plunge and make what's the best of the ride. To be distracted is a blessing. But sometimes, I willing think of him and I couldn't be more grateful. He's like my very own Zainal Arief, but unfortunately I'm not the Kamilia Najwa in this tale.

No, not the drama. I don't think Adi Putra is even 10 meters close to how Zainal is described in my favorite novel of all time. Nope, I hate the drama. Ew.

And yes, randomity at its best. Have a blessed Friday, people! :)

"There once was a girl known by everyone and no one."

During times like this, it's known that one should not be alone.

It was known to everybody that I'm a hopeless romantic. It's not a proud feat, y'know, the infamous ability to love unconditionally, focusing on the good thing no matter how bad things get, being the one to always give in, remembers stuff. You know, hopeless stuff. If there's a faction or houses I could relate to, I'd totally identify it but nah. I'm still the Hufflepuff/Candor person.

But it had been three days since my last contact with anybody and what I discovered was, simply put, empowering. I chose to face it alone and albeit it was a journey filled with crap, it was also a great one. This is the week (at least so far) that my attendance to classes was the most disappointing, and in addition, the Analytical Chemistry lab didn't keep my hands or my head busy so it was quite disappointing. But it hasn't end yet. I still have two days to make it through and I'm going home again.

I know, home again. I don't think I'm ready to go to the family day for the organization that I was recently accepted into, seeing that he's one of the project leaders and the fact that he's the one that secured me the place by reminding them that I'll still be in campus for the next semester. I'm sure he's gonna be there, if not the futsal matches, for the family day. The possible sight of him cozy up with another girl is not something that I want to be looking at. Well, a newly single, eligible, hot, popular, smart guy. I'm sure, girls are starting to line up or better, somebody caught his eye already. Like duh. Siapa taknak?

I do feel empowered and wanted to be as strong, but I'm still curing myself and working my way up.

It was a bit embarrassing that I have to include my parents in this matter. I mean, if I were a mother, I don't want my kid to cry and tell me her misadventures and everything. But my mum and dad, they were cool about it. I did some wrongs like my gullible nature, my hot- and strong-headedness, admitted to it even and it's great that they didn't reprimand me or shout at me or worse, use their disappointed tone on me. They asked me to be strong, learn from all of the mistakes and build myself up again.

An advice so short, but so meaningful. My old folks, everybody. Maybe not that old, hahah.

Today, everything seemed so final. But I get a plus side tho, I just won a pair (I think) of tix to the first ever Formula E in Putrajaya this weekend! Woohoo! It was supposed to be a present for my parents, but seeing that all three of us that's still in Malaysia is coming home, I think we gotta whip something up.

Kalau tak pun, paksa diorang gi dating. And I could treat my brother and my sister to watch Mockingjay Pt. 1? Muahahah.

So, in short, it's cool. I'm not saying that I'm fine because honestly, I'm not. But yeah. With everything seemed so final and I got my family behind my back, it should be better that I build myself up once again. I still couldn't bring myself to delete anything yet, and how his belongings and gifts and tendencies and hobbies and choices and everything integrated themselves in my life so effortlessly, but hey. I should be learning from it, not throwing all of them away. At least, not just yet. 

And even though the ending wasn't as pretty, but for sure, the journey was as beautiful and colorful as I could ever wish for. 

Unbeknowst to 99.99% of people.

I'm not much, you know? I'm not intelligent, I'm not talented, I'm not a serious sportsperson, I'm not beautiful. I am, as I said earlier, not much.

To be honest, I'm that kind of person who'll get lost and drown in the sea of crowd.

It's pretty hard living like this, you know. This situation had been going on for a while. The moment I think I got high marks in Addmaths, there'll be somebody with more marks. The moment I thought I'm the most versatile player on my team, there'll be somebody else with better achievements. The moment I think I gave my hardest to become the best from scratch, there'll be somebody else, ruining it for me.

Don't get me wrong, I welcome competition. But I don't know. It's even harder when I have no special talents. Maybe like what, running, softball? I wanted to pursue both, believe me. My idol, who was my coach back when I was form five, was the reason, the driving force, the living proof, that softball exists in universities. But this is not UM, tho.

But really. I don't have any talents. I'm a plain jane, literally. Maybe that's why I hate competitions. I worked my ass to get to the point where people knows me for that, from just dirt. And then, some people just waltz into my life and took that whatever title from me.

And I have to be what, happy for them people? Happy that whatever I worked for to get to the top had been snatched away by someone else? Happy that I no longer that special somebody in any of those field? Those really are some rhetorical questions, but that's what I did anyway. Just be happy and keeping my delightful face up. 

Now do you still dare to tell me to "just be happy, go with the flow" bullshit with some occasional side-eyeings, with a hint of loathing whenever I feel down, or when I can't keep my "happy" mask on? I'd rather you shut the fuck up and stop those side-glances that you thought I didn't see because really, you have no idea what is going on in my head.

I'm not much. I'm perfectly awesome at being average. Even when I tried so hard, there'll always be someone better. And imagine that, times ten, or ten thousand and having to be perfectly happy with that fact.

Big, fat liars.

There's some things (and/or people) that I absolutely loathe.

#1: There's this phrase that I've learnt during my five-year-stay in Kedah that I actually love so much: "sembang kencang". I mean, the moment somebody sarcastically throw this phrase to your face, the impact will be like as if somebody slapped you hard while you were happily cheating in a game. I mean, it's like a straight-forward brutal honesty there.

Together with my family, we went to this part of Germany that doesn't have any speed limit. Even the GPS thing, Tom-tom didn't show any speed limit on its screen. Like seriously, people. You can drive 250km/h or even 350km/h, if that's even possible, and not get any summons. That's how awesome that route is.

Yet, I don't see any selfish (European mostly, I guess) drivers hogging the overtaking lane (<-- I have some direct translation over here). But it's true, tho. Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY was driving on the fast lane except for those who were, well, overtaking other cars. But I didn't see any drivers who drove leisurely, or worse, slow-as-a-muthaff, with no obvious intention to overtake other cars which were on the slower lane.

That's what exactly I found when I was on my way back to my home from Sepang this evening; people hogging the fast lane while driving as slow as fish. Tbh, it's the complete opposite of what I've seen in Deutschland. I mean c'mon people. I got totally nervous when I have to overtake people and at the same time, there's a faster car approaching from behind. I have this need to like "shit, i need to overtake this guy and get back in the slower lane because this car behind me is faster than me". Ya feel me?

Don't you feel anything when there's this big, bad, obviously a more powerful car is inches away from your ass because you're driving like a freaking tortoise? And here we are, talking about making big changes for our country, being a better generation, creating an intelligent and considerate society but still there's selfish ass who thinks that it's okay to hog the fast lane and create a massive line behind him/her and probably, if we were to ask him/her, "why do you drive in the fast lane if you know that you're slow?", we'll be getting "you stfu this speed is the fastest my car can go so you back off and don't tell me where to drive."

Pfft. Sembang kencang.

#2: I came across this few people who apparently shares articles with doubtful sources irresponsibly lately. So here's the thing. I rarely, like seriously RARELY share articles. It doesn't matter; factious, about religion, conspiracies, hadiths because in my opinion, in this century, this era, facts are twistable. Quotes are manipulable. Conspiracies everywhere. And here we are, the youth, trying to figure out our way to get out from all of this mess we are in now.

Those so-called factual articles could be conspiracies. Or a way to bring people down. Those fake hadiths one, those were the most ridiculous ones. I mean, how could people do something like that? It doesn't matter really what religion you are practicing. But how could some people do something as disgusting as fabricating facts to suit your own, idk, preference?

Well, that's for the writers. Those sick people whose hobby is to twist little bit of story to make this fake articles and stuff and asks other people to spread the shit like Nutella. (Hello, Struck by Lightning reference hereee).

For us, the readers, the evaluators, we need to examine and to make sure whatever we share, we share em responsibly. I mean, what's the purpose you share it to your acquaintances? Because you think it's the truth? But is it the truth or is it just something you want to believe that it's true but you have not idea if that's THE truth or not? If it's a lie, especially those religion-related ones, would you want to bear the burden of those who believed the articles you shared since you're too eager to share a doubtful article just because it is what you WANT to believe? Or because you're too lazy to search the authenticity of the article that you're about to share?

See how massive the responsibility behind that simple "Share" button?

I don't know man. Those two stuff had been bugging me for quite some time now and I think I want to let it out and at the same time, warn the others about how serious these two things are, regardless how simple they seem. Which brings all of us to this post.

So people, be responsible. Be considerate. How we're gonna change our own country with this attitude, eh? We need to change what we need to change. But stay awesome, tho :)

Of newborn, beautiful bonds.

There was this moment when all twenty-seven of us sat around the rim of a small sized hot spring pool. Just us, no outsiders. Talking about stuff, just talking. Joking around. And being me, I told Farah, "if only I have my camera with me. What I'm seeing now (the 'us' scene) is beautiful."

She replied, "I know. It's okay, tho. We just capture this picture in our memory."

That's one of the most #deep statement I've heard during the trip. And being a member of that particular organization, there was so many #deep statement I've heard during those two days.

Then I realized, even if I was without my usual circle of friends and sometimes felt alone, I felt genuinely happy. Accomplished even. And for the first time, pictures can't even describe the experience I've gained, the happiness I felt. Not a single picture could capture the essence of that trip.

And I'm not even upset about it.

Felda Sungai Klah, you've got yourself a special place in my heart.

The inevitable.

I used to be an F1 fanatic. I mean, I'm crazy about McLarens, Mika Hakkinen, Kimi Raikkonen. I don't know, but I have a thing for those two Finnish drivers. I was also there during the era of Juan Pablo Montoya, Heidfield, Barrichello, Coulthard etcetra. It was awesome. But during highschool, I found nobody with the same interest and moreover, they don't let us watch the TV during the prep hours and since then, I've stopped being a religious fan and started being "just a fan".

That doesn't stop me from hating Vettel and Hamilton tho. The same kind of hatred I have for Andy Murray, Jorge Lorenzo, y'know?

When I was at home briefly to send off my little brother to the land of the All Blacks, that night, I watched this documentary about a celebrated driver who if he wouldn't have died and was given another chance with a better team and car, Michael Schumacer would not be a legend.

Ayrton Senna. From the documentary "Senna", he's a very incredible person. He stood by his action, his words. He was a very determined person, cares about safety and cares about his fellow drivers. It's the kind of person who'll make friends and at the same time, make some enemies too. After watching this, I realized two stuff.

One: Politics, politics everywhere. That bullshit of "no judging" thing, I'd like to assume that it doesn't exist. At all. People of higher ranks, judge you, side not with the person who's right, but with those who either 1) has the same origin or 2) is important and will get money or some sort of importance and profit (the bigger the sum of it, the better) out of it.

And two: I have this strange fascination about wanting to know what came across the minds of those who didn't expect to die during that moment. If you were to watch Senna's simple but fatal accident, you wouldn't expect it to be fatal. Loads of accidents before that were more horrific, but the drivers survive. I wonder, what was going through his mind the moment his car lost control. I've read this article from an archive of some website about his last 96 hours and whoa, I grew more and more fascinated. Perhaps it's a sick interest but in a way, it made me realize that death will forever be unexpected.

I mean, it could be while we're doing something that we love, or something we hate. While doing nothing, or while having everything tugging you in every direction possible. Horrificly or peacefully. Endless possibilities, definitely.

Are we ready for that moment?

Of hiatus and obsession.

So here's the thing.

I still write, to, you know, vent my feelings out and stuff. But not here. Because I promised to write about my super duper awesome Eurotrip earlier this year. But unfortunately, no matter how I tried, I'm no mrnzmi, who could tell about a trip of two or three days in just one post. I'm just a Nadiah who needs a freakishly long post just about one trip day.

So I reverted my Day #1 trip post back to draft and when I have the time (hopefully) to finish all eight day of it, I'll post all of them. Insya-Allah.

Anyway, it's the time of the semester when I could actually compose a proper blog post; i.e. the start of the semester. It's the end of my first week and still no assignments. Woohoo! Anyway, I'm still behind in some of the courses and I sure need to catch up. I already have my personal tutor for thermodynamics and a new friend in two of my other subjects, so Insya-Allah I'm going to make things right again.

So, what's up with me? I haven't post anything here since the last semester, true. I've been writing on my personal tumblr, also not so much because last semester was definitely hectic. It was like a tornado-kind-of-semester, you know? Everything was literally everywhere. Blergh. I certainly do not wish to remember that semester.

During my semester break, I embraced my inner-mermaid-self and went to Redang Island in Terengganu and stayed, for the first time, at the ever-so-gorgeous Laguna Resort. Sure, it's a bit expensive than Redang Reef, but if you are a foodie, just like my family, Laguna is your food heaven on Earth. I gained a few kilos just by staying there for only four days. Went diving, after a year of absence from the underwater world. I'm still proud to say that I still managed to set up my tank and descended without any problems. I've missed spending my time in the under(water) world. And Insya-Allah, I'll make time for more diving trips after this. I also got a temp tattoo, those airbrush ones? Yeah, that one and went sun-tanning (or sunburning myself, tbh) afterwards. So now, I have a tan-tattoo! Haha, I feel awesome.

Also, I'm taking up playing guitar and thanks to my Dani, I don't have to buy a new guitar since he lent me one of his. I may need to spend on new guitar strings but that's it, I guess? And yes, the tip of my fingers stings. Right now also, even when I last played it yesterday. This hobby is using the "pain before gain" concept, literally.

What else? Okay, here's one thing. I'm hunting for Divergent's series books with minimal cover version. I am definitely crazy about minimal book cover design and upon knowing that Divergent series actually have minimal book cover design, I'm hunting for one. I saw one box set of it at Borders and until now, I haven't seen any at Popular or even MPH. Sigh.

So I guess that's it for this time. I'll try to make time to write here from time to time to improve my already-rustic writing skills. So till next time, bye!

10 day letter challenge: Day 10

day 10. write a letter to yourself

p/s: I am sooooo sorry for not updating this for almost a month now. With the Eurotrip (will be updated in the next post yeah? Woohooo!), becoming a driver and full-time cooker; so little time were left for me to even hang out, let alone to update this. I've been wanting to, I swear.

p/p/s: and the fact I have no idea what to write to myself. Obviously.

Dear self.

I've actually not even a tiny inkling of idea what to write to you. Seriously.

Like, why would I write a letter to myself when my brain registered my thoughts first before I can even write it? It's weird.

Then again, I could leave a few advice for you to read in the future. But wasn't that what we did on the second day? I can't write about what already happened because that was our first day's task, isn't it?

Haha. Whoever set today's task, is one hell of a person.

Well, since this is the last one in the challenge, I may want to share what I actually feel after completing this. You see, we all are surrounded by loads kind of people. The good ones, the bad ones, the ones who stays, the ones who only dropped by, the ones who guided us to the right path after we've strayed from the true and main route of our life, the ones who teaches you values of life. You name it.

I always wanted to be the kind of person who changes others' life for the better. Sometimes, I think I succeed. But most of the time, I failed.

One day, I realized, that's a useless route for me. I mean, I am a broken person myself. Why should I even think about making others' life better when I couldn't do that to my own self? So, I knew back then that I needed a change. A subtle one, but with a powerful force. I want to be that person who leaves massive impact in anyone's life.

It's a hard purpose, that's so true. But a trait that I've found in myself, somehow amazes me but at the same time, it scares me to (almost) death. My love that I have for everyone that matters to me, can't be described by any words. Love itself branches into so many different, teeny weeny twigs. Like a mother's love, or a sisterly love, that romantic love everybody wants, or that protectiveness you have for your tightest circle of friends, or that love you have for a particular sport, or hobby, or subject, or plant, or even towards a specific place! See how the characteristics differs when all of them are just basically love.

I just simply, love them. Just like that.

It's funny who I'm just a simple person wanting to be a big-hearted girl. But all I actually am is just me. Just me.

So Nadiah, (yes, I'm here) don't ever stop loving those who love you. Always spread the love, but this time? Try to hate less. Your life will be even happier if you do that. Smile more. Never give up. Never give in to your problems that haunt your head. Never ever try to let the feeling of being depressed take over. Never More positive energy won't hurt you. Find your inner peace. Try your very best to win everything; your course, your life, your dreams, everything. If you find yourself back into that dark place again, read this. Understand this. Know that even when somebody leaves, there's still at least two people care about you and you know damn well who they are.

Until then,
your optimist-self :)

10 day letter challenge: Day 9

day 9. write a letter to someone that changed your life

How? Like how you changed my future from the way I see myself for almost three years?

How you pulled me to indulge in your kind of entertainment. I swear, if you hadn't introduce me to The XX, Narmi, Foals, (500) Days of Summer, Ocean's Trilogy, 1234, White Winter Hymnal, Jetpack Joyride, Dumb Ways to Die, I probably will never know them. Ever.

How you convinced me to plan carefully for our future together. Budgets, savings, preparations, our own together-to-do list; it's like studying Engineering Economics and Entrepreneurship all over again when we were discussing finance.

How I've learnt to become a patient person from that hot-tempered bitch I was. To become a less egoistic person I was, back then. To be less pessimistic, more optimistic and more trusting.

How I've never been able to stick with somebody this long, not until I met you. How, no matter how mad I am with you, I know that in the end, everything's gonna be fine. No matter how we fight, or how happy we are, we'll still be there for each other, continuing this complicated love-hate-but-more-to-love relationship we have.

How ridiculous we are hopelessly in love with each other, with no way out. As if in the beginning, there's some sort of permanent glue on our hands and the moment we clasped them together, there's no going back. No matter how hard it had been for us; heartbreaks, breaks, tears, we're still here. Not weaker, never crumbling down, like what I've experienced or seen before. Instead, we got stronger. Stronger than ever.

How the first man of not my blood, spoiled me with so many love, gifts. Never not making sure that I know that I'm in his life, loved and cared. How I've never felt so happy so be slowly accepted into his family. And when I said "him", I meant you. So takpayah gegeh sangat nak emo k? Kmwah.

And how I've never been so sure and content about this, and how I've always dream and hope that this will last forever. You changed my life and I never regret any of it.

You know, dork, I've never regret saying that "Eleh" when you first talked to me too. Or when I listened to the Tongue Tied song and decided to share it on Twitter. Or when I took that challenge to finally reply your first "Hi" for me. Because baby, look where all of those led us to and how our lives changed since then :)

Love, hugs and kisses,
me.

10 day letter challenge: Day 8

day 8. write a letter to someone you've been thinking about lately

Hi handsome.

I was determined to NOT have the two same recipient for any of the letters, but I've been waiting and delaying myself from writing this letter to find another person to, you know, write to. But well, here goes.

Lately, I know I've been sucked into this weird, dark world. Behaving like a paranoid-and-pessimist person, which is not a great combination too. I am secretly hoping that this is not what they call depression, because I've never been past that boundary. And I never want to.

Recently, I'm starting to doubt everything around me. The people around me, the words they said, their looks, their sometimes-hurtful side comments. And sadly, that includes you.

In addition to the latest incident(s) occurred, I'm losing my head. My sanity slips away, inch by inch. Everything active about me, slowly turned passive. More frequent visits from my good ol' nightmare. What's hard is I actually am aware of all that, but I can't do anything about it. Because everything is so ridiculously illogical, and my brain can't comprehend nor accept that.

I want to let it go. But I can't. I keep on thinking about it, about you, about that simple but destructive phase. Don't ask me to let that go, because, like I said, it's too absurd to let that thing go away just like that.

It's touching how you keep pulling me back to our reality, instead of pushing my already-distanced self away even more. How you keep showering me with all the love you have to keep me away from my bad place. How you struggled to keep up with my sort-of depression. How you convince me to not believe in those nightmares and those hallucinations. How you always remind me that you are always there for me.

Believe me when I say, I am trying my hardest to not let what happened get in between us. I'm sorry for dragging you to my bad place. I love you.

Love,
Yaya.

10 day letter challenge: Day 7

day 7 (looong overdue, I'm sorry!). write a letter to a stranger

Is your favorite color, blue?

Do you always tell the truth?

Do you believe in outer space?

And no, I'm not going to sing you the Yuna's song; my singing voice is only exclusive for my shower head only.

So, hi! I'm Nadiah. I'm twenty-not-yet-one this year. Oh yeah, I look younger than my age, thank you :3 I'm still in college and I just finished my sophomore year. As for now, I'm on my break and have nothing to do but size up.

That's joke. And a sarcastic comment. For myself, that is. Haha, I hope you could understand my barely-there joker-me. And I love to use those made up-ish words by combining them with hyphens to make them unique. Haha, I'm not making any sense here.

And I curse like a sailor. Please excuse my French :)

So yeah. Do you play sports? I looove to get to know sports-person. It's like meeting a brother or a sister from another mother and another father. Don't worry if you don't though, because that means, we have more stories to trade, more knowledge to obtain.

I love to travel, how about you? Where have you been? What city, state or even country that you really want to visit? Why you wanna go there? Is the place good? If it's good, tell me. We could trade opinions about those countries we want to visit and even share our experiences? That would be awesome, hihi :3

I know I sounded a bit hyper and bubbly, but in real life, I am not that kind of person. The friendly, talkative type of person. In reality, you'll probably see me at the back of the room, wearing that "arrogant bitch" look, silent as hell, observing people and sometimes their absurd and embarrassing behavior. Maybe wowed by some elegant and proper-looking people. Laughing to others joke from afar. That's basically me.

I don't really open up, but when I let people in, I'll be that transparent, no-secrets kind of person. If this letter ended up in any strangers hand, do come in. I'll let the door wide open this time. It's fun having to just write to strangers. You get to start fresh; no past, but definitely there's a future for us to get to know each other and be friends. Especially for a socially-awkward person like me, it's somehow exciting to finally shed a bit of that awkwardness.

The door is still open. Hi :)

10 day letter challenge: Day 6

What is it? Who are you, what do you want? *Edna Mode voice*

Haha kidding!

I'm sorry, last week was kinda hectic. And no, the weekend were worse than the weekdays. Or maybe I was too lazy to type? Or maybe writers' block?

Hah, acah-acah writer.

Anyhoo, I'm back and hopefully, I can finish this within this week woohoo! Leggo!

day 6. write a letter to your best friend

Hi.

Lately, I don't have any best friend. It's not just lately, it's long before that. I don't really care about what was really happening around me. Maybe because of the examination week? Or maybe because I stopped opening myself up to the people around me? I'd say a bit of both, really. I was too busy to catch up with my friends and I started to keep things to myself. Not a very friendly combo, I might say.

It's a simple thing, really. I used to care about those who I considered close to me. I love to visit them, virtually and realistically. I love to be able to be a listener and giving back advice in return, if they need any. I usually find people when they need help. I never knew "being helpful' is in my gene, but generally, I love seeing them, the people I love, happy.

But then again, I'm just a human. I need somebody to listen to me, too.

So it's hard to actually dedicate this to somebody specific, but , this letter is for you, the one(s) who stayed by my side during my recent downfall and the ones even before the holidays or even the ones before that.

All I want to say is thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for those helpful advice, awesome motivational talk. Thank you for being a shoulder when I need one to cry on, or even to hold on to for a while. Thank you for bearing with my smile, my tears, my maniacal laughter, my sobbing mess, my hugs I gave out when you needed them, my ridiculous ideas, my crazy self, my quirky ugly-face-pulling thing, my idiocy, my shyness, my multi-fandom (which I have no idea how large it actually is) addiction, my mood swing,

I realized, I'm not an easy person to be with. One moment I'm this happy-go-lucky girl who don't give a fuck about anybody else, then I changed into this hatred-fueled demon within seconds. For that, I could never thank you properly enough for sticking with me, no matter how long.

It's funny; most of the people initially took me as an arrogant, perfectionist bitch who didn't talk much. That was what most of my best friends, my friends told me when I ask you people. And now look how far we've gone since then, eh?

Thank you. Thank you for everything. No definite amount of thank you will be sufficient to return your kindness and all those priceless experience we've been through together. I will try to return every favor you've ever did for me, but until then? Thank you and I hoped we stick together until forever!

Warm hugs,
Yaya :)

10 day letter challenge: Day 5

day 5. write a letter to your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush 

and p/s: Blogger is being an asshole for not showing recent blogposts from the blogs I'm following on my dash. I have no freaking idea why.

and p/p/s: This post is going to be wild :3

Hi Darren Criss.

Yes, I'm writing a letter to you.

Yes, of course you didn't realize I've had a pretty big crush on you since season 2. Like, holy shucks, Teenage Dream that you sang was as perfect as hell!

Then I decided to sneak around a little bit more, and I discovered you actually had an EP with the title "Human". Fuck, it was pure eargasmic experience for me. I've always loved the Not Alone track; reminds me how whatever happens, I'm not alone. The angst in Jealousy? Whoa, so like whoa. And Human is somewhat quirky and funny and realistic in some way.

And then I discovered Team Starkid, and well, it didn't went well for me. I downloaded the whole A Very Potter Musical show AND the soundtrack album, the A Very Potter Prequel soundtrack album, A Very Starkid album and the Holy Musical B@tman! soundtrack album too.

Also, I downloaded Jim and The Povolos' The Holiday Club EP because hey, Joe Walker is hot too.

WHAT?! 'm just saying. Team Starkid really have some beautiful men and women in it.

I've never stopped keeping track of your glee covers. Your version of Young the Giant's Cough Syrup, Christina Aguilera's Fighter, Imagine Dragons' It's Time will be on the my top favorite songs from you. And your Klaine duets? A fricking delicious.

For almost a year. ALMOST A YEAR, I cared about you. I sang to your songs. Asked my friends to listen to your songs. Watched you in every Glee episode you were in. Waited for you to be on screen. Cooed and awwed at your sickly sweet scene with Chris. Almost fainted when you sang my favorite song from the movie Top Gun. And what did I get back?

Nothing. No-freaking-thing. All that attention, time I gave away for you, gone without any reply. It sucks. It was then I realized, you'll never notice me, not with one very beautiful, multi-talented, sweet Mia Swiers in your arms.

And then, I decided it was best for both of us for me to stop obsessing over you.

I'm sorry, we were not meant to be for each other.

Be happy with your life, brutha. And never, ever, regret for not noticing the crush I had for you.

Sincerely,
Nad.

10 day letter challenge: Day 4

day 4. write a letter to your siblings

It's funny how day four of this letter challenge falls on my little sister's birthday. And I was just about to throw a fit about I can't choose to which sibling of mine I'm going to write this letter to, I saw the letter s behind the word sibling.

Phew.

So. Hi you guys. My name is Nadiah and I'm the oldest among you peasants, so listen up.

Having little brothers and sister is a good thing. Which means, I can boss you around, ask you people to do stuff, ask for yer help, be a motivator for you guys. But being the eldest has its drawbacks too; having to give in during any of the argument, y'know those kind of "yelah, mengalah je la kakak" stuff.

Hideous. But I surely love them to death, anyway.

Um, apa lagi? Let's get this over with, yeah?

My big, sweet genius brother. We both know how hard  it actually is to obey the rules and regulations. We disagreed with them, we rebelled, we even proved them wrong. You taught me to be confident of myself, helped me to and even went and be my co-pilot during the last four months holidays. Somehow, I see us as two mischief, secretive kids. Bro, I need to tell you one thing. Under that macho mask you always put on, I know that you love me :3 But seriously, thank you for pushing me to be brave, especially while driving.

My very own van Persie, my twin little brother. Who decided to become my third birthday's present. Yeah you read it right; my mother gave me one adorable brother as a birthday present. Kau hado? Haha, it's awesome how they always said, "Haa, kembar. Baguslah, perangai pun sebijik," when we ourselves know that is true, but we also know that we are so fucking different. Especially gender-wise. But hey, now that I'm having my four-months break with you, most of my time were spent laughing, memorizing the notable Maharaja Lawak Mega's and Karoot Komedia's quotes, so yeah. You lightened up my life with your jokes.

Eh tak kelakar ah.

K.

My only sister, my secret keeper, my gossip partner, my beautiful crazy best friend, who apparently cried while watching the "Do You Want To Build A Snowman" scene because it reminded he of me. And she is the reason why I became so obsessed with Disney's Frozen, apart from the fact Idina Menzel and JGroff was in the movie too. I honestly don't regret seeing that movie with you, than seeing it earlier. Watching it with you that night, somehow, made me realize, I know that you'll have me and my back, no matter what. And although you are my little Anna, I wouldn't shut you out. Not ever, I promise.

My important three people to be added with the recipient of my last letter. I love you guys, yes, eternally.

Love,
Your annoying, crazy batshit sister MWAH.

10 day letter challenge: Day 3

day 3. write a letter to your parents

(oookay, this is going to be so much fun)

Hi Ayah! Hi Ibu!

Well, it's me here. (you don't say) Anyway, hi. Again.

Well, in case you are wondering what am I doing in my room tonight, well, you are reading it now. Hahaha. Haha.

Ha.

I hate awkward-me.

Okay here goes. They say, mother knows best. But I disagree, simply because I think that both of my parents know what's the best for us. Even before I think of something, you guys came to me, bearing loads of advice I'd never knew I need later in life.

Sometimes, I would be so amazed and I wonder, "how on Earth they would know something like this will happen?". Perhaps I have a That's-So-Raven parents? Or probably they have this latent powers that would be more powerful if and only if they turned into a pair of vampires? Or maybe, just maaaybe, they mastered the art of Divination?

Now, I'm imagining Ayah, sitting in Trelawney's class with his eyebrows furrows while concentrating on a crystal ball. And I shall not rolling on the floor, laughing. I shall not. Oh God.

But then I remembered, they are my parents. The two person who watched me as I grew from the size of a pillow until this young woman I am now, who would be by my side before I myself know that I am falling, who would make me see and observe what is happening around me and asked me to think whether they are being right or wrong, who knew my fears and whatever that disgusts me (that stupid trypophobia thing, anyone?). And here I am, questioning their superpowers. Haha, who am I kidding, really?

My point is, I had never really properly thank both of you for making me see the world with two (or even possibly, more) different perspective. And also for giving such badass and super effective advice, examples, everything. Thank you. So much.

It's not really a secret that I disappoint both of you several times, but I promise you, I am working on being a better person, to be a better daughter than I was before; academically, spiritually, emotionally. Thank you for being the coolest parents ever.

But most importantly? Thank you being my best-ever friends. I love you both so much, eternally.
Hugs and kisses,
Your crazy, ridiculous-face-puller AND loving daughter hihi <3

10 day letter challenge: Day 2

day 2. write a letter to your your future self

Hell-oh,

I just hope that whatever we (as in me-now and you-future) planned came true.

And we finally visited New York for the second or even third time.

And we owned a walk-in closet and filled with all kind of dresses, Hard Rock Cafe tees, sturdy handbags, Converses with all imaginable colors that exist. And always remember, wedges > anything else! Except for Converse.

Vanity table filled with minimal-styled bracelets, studs, earrings, necklaces; both high-end jewelries and the cheap, beautiful ones.

The rustic-themed home. And modern kitchen. They do work, trust me.

The dream job. Or something like that. Or near to that. Or an engineer. Whatever.

But most of all, whatever you do, DO NOT give up on being a Potterhead.

Basically, don't give anything (or anyone, really) that you love up.

I'll be seeing you soon, God-willing. Ameen.

Love,
Present-me (also past-you. Or is it future past-you? Wth, whichever la.)

10 day letter challenge: Day 1

day 1. write a letter to your past self.

Dear younger self,

You know, you've just wasted a good thirty minutes, trying to repair some HTML codes for your blog's blockquote that you ruined two years ago for trying to be fancy as fuck? I can't believe that I was once an elaborate young girl, because now, believe it or not, I am a minimalist. From a fancy, decorative, particular person to a minimal, simple kind of person.

And that's not even the biggest change you've encountered, trust me.

If somehow this letter ended up in a time machine and got sent back to you, no matter when, don't worry. I won't be like that spoiler person who ended up telling all about the movie content. Just a bit here and there, some things that I am sure will make your life happier.

FIRST, I don't recommend you to fall for a person who is somebody else's, no matter when you are sixteen or nineteen. Just don't.

And please, for the love of God Almighty, listen to what Ibu said about that guy you were convinced you were in love with when you are seventeen. He is not worth your time.

Talking about National Service, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT fall for the guy you will meet in the KN class. He is as complicated as fuck and you would regret having to waste your money texting him, time spent liking him.
Generally, don't fall for guys easily. You have this tendency to like people who seems to care about you a bit more than normal people does. It's either they are just being nice or they are trying to toy with you. With that, you may find somebody who will care about you thoroughly, cherish your achievements and your advantages, but he will also accept your flaws; the permanent ones and the temporary ones.

To be honest, up until this point, I have no idea if you will meet this special man who will take care of you for the rest of your life. They say, when you love someone, you will accept him as a whole, be patient with him and his ways, change his life for the better. I can't say the journey will be easy, but it'll be worth the time and feelings you've invested.

Appreciate people around you. The ones who bothered to let you into their lives. Appreciate their effort, no matter how small it is, or how grand it is. Compliment them. Care about their lives, because they cared about yours. Be happy for them, even if you hurt yourself in the process. Be glad. Be an optimist. Search for the good outcomes and aim for them. There'll be thorns and stuff, but the destination will be sweet, so sweet that you'll forget all the pain and sufferings you encountered.

Don't be too dependent; you are a strong lady. Even if your closest of friends ignore you, man up. Harden that heart, build that "I don't give a damn" attitude and continue to live your life with that as your shield. You can do it.

I don't remember when, but please don't stop wearing that armor.

Be an open-minded person, that kind of person who'll assess every single option available; not just the good ones, but the bad ones too.We could never know if the worst, heart-breaking option will bring the best out of yourself, isn't it? So, be brave. Take the risk but at the same time, be smart about your decision.

Oh, and remember how you cried the day you got your MJSC offer letter? I wish you hadn't. You should know how the next five years of your life was one of the best phase in your life. That was what you want, wasn't it? Don't cry. I know, random. But that's something you should be happy about :)

Another thing, your anger? Don't let it bottled up in yourself. Fucking destructive. Tak tipu.

And a reminder, when Adan ask you to accompany him to watch a Manchester United game on the early 20th January morning, don't agree. MU sucked, big fricking time. And you are going to regret having to watch your favorite team lose, seriously.

And um, go play the Spider Solitaire in your laptop. The fireworks at the end in a hundred million thousand times better then the ones in the old computer. GO!

Until we meet again, go enjoy yourself. Bye :)

Love,
Your present self.

10 day letter challenge: Day 0

A big wave and congratulations for my #ChemeClan mak, mrnzmi (for making my blog less enigmatic, and this is where I give you the deadly Yaya-glare) and my babe ameeranadya for finding my blog here! I'll keep my promise to be more active here, despite this is my first post after the holiday started almost a week ago.

Random intro, but the acknowledgement was in order. And welcome, whoever you are who might stumbled upon this shabby blog accidentally or intentionally. Welcome, welcome, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Hashtag EH.

It's the second four-months break and this blog is nearing its first anniversary. Wehaay, who knew this blog is still functioning and still being written on after all those two hectic semesters eh? It's not a big surprise I write more on my personal tumblr since I started this blog but I promised myself two or three weeks ago that I will write more here and leave my tumblr to let it rest for a while.

I do have a to-do list this holidays, which includes iPhoneography-and-Instagramming, blog-updating, baking and building my cooking skills. With God's willing, I will complete all of them by the time the next semester starts.

To ensure I keep updating my blog, I browsed my tumblr's dashboard and found this daily challenge thing from heckyeahtumblrchallenges.tumblr.com. To think that I'm not a person who can think of and write about something new and different every single day, so I think that the challenges from the tumblr might help me to vary my writing idea.

Not that I'm writing anything informative here, but whatevers yeah? :3

So I choose this "10 day letter challenge" where I have to write different letters to different recipients as follows:

day 1. write a letter to your past self.
day 2. write a letter to your your future self
day 3. write a letter to your parents
day 4. write a letter to your siblings
day 5. write a letter to your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 6. write a letter to your best friend
day 7. write a letter to a stranger
day 8. write a letter to someone you’ve been thinking about lately
day 9. write a letter to someone that changed your life
day 10. write a letter to yourself

Let's get going! :)