Movie talk, Pt 1.

I pretty much wanted to watch everything that Nicholas Hoult starred in after watching Warm Bodies. Because oh God his crooked smile? I could die, not literally tho. But damn.

But that would mean watching Skins too. And I pretty much hated him in Skins since his character, Tony Stonem, sort of reminds me too much of iDz. That deadly, manipulative boy, breaking hearts, getting everything to happen in his own, selfish way, and I can feel how Michele came back to him after every single bs he gave her. It's sad tho. Michele had her Sid, I don't. But whatever.

Warm Bodies was cool. I mean, the songs were seriously cool. Like, come on. Any movie that had Pretty Woman (old song, pls don't look at me like that. My parents are guilty of that, hihi) and also Scorpions' Rock You Like the Hurricane songs in it is seriously and dayum-ly cool. And this Midnight City song, I'm 100% sure I've heard it somewhere else. The only explanation would be, well, you-know-who, (or not, idk. If no, well, you sir/miss, have a good taste in music and I salute you!) but damn, it's a good listen. It would be perfect if you're feeling like turning the volume knob to the max and dancing crazily like nobody's watching. Give it a try, please do. I'm currently having this song on repeat, which is effingly blissful, since I don't have a roommate and this song is sick!

Definitely downloading its OST as soon as I get decent internet connection :)

The movie had its funny moments and I found myself wanting to buy actual Polaroid camera. None of that Instax and everything but it'll cost me a lot of fortune. I'm considering selling my baby Panda but that camera has its own special place in my heart so yeah. Nothing's concrete up to this point. And of course, Hoult is awesome. Sigh.

Which brings me to one movie I watched some time ago. 

I don't know why, but Endless Love gave me a hope. The kind of hope that inspires me to stand tall and smile and have fun without him. Enjoy my life. Do the things that makes me happy. And know that one day, the right person will come along. The one who wants me to be happy and loved, just like I want him to be happy and loved. Accepting each other wholly and together, building ourselves together.

To be honest, it won't matter who. Because pinning on a guy who broke me is not gonna help.

Although, I've been pinning on Alex Pettyfer since his Wild Child days, hahah. But I'd say his hair in Endless Love was not as irresistible as he was in Wild Child. His English accent tho. *faints*

**

On a different note tho, I realized one thing. It's easy to lie when people ask whether you're okay or not by answering with a dismissive "fine", but when a person answered it with an honest "no", you know that he/she couldn't contain it anymore.

You know that he/she could not keep it in anymore. You know his/her wall of defense is failing.

The moment that happens to you, be sure to be there for that person. They wanted something to hold on to so bad, that they didn't bother to lie to you anymore. Be there for that person.

Yep, this is what I get from a movie filled with badass zombies. HAHAH.

**

Jumping away, here's a song by Scorpions that I mentioned above. My family and I don't really listen to the original version anymore; this one has waaaaay more air-guitar, air-violin and head-banging moments. Because us Rosmans, we are crazy. Trust me.

And that's what they don't see.

There's a reason behind everything.

I spontaneously broke down after rediscovering my old conversation with iDz when I was searching for my Thermodynamics lecture notes. Yeaaaah, the notes were all over the folder since the first lecturer uses the word "chapter" for the start for his notes, and the other lecturer uses "week" instead. So the notes were quite jumbled up and stuff.

And I found our old Whatsapp conversations. It was nothing really, but what broke me was how he was so sweet and never once he did not care when he realized that there's something wrong with me. And the very line that got me paralyzed was, when I said that he deserves somebody better, he said

"Yaya don't say that. Never say that."

And that was it. The rest that happened after that included me getting emotionally uncontrollable, hating him and got all pissed and feeling the pain and idk why, the small hope is fighting its way to the surface. The last one was hilarious, tho.

After pleading to Him to ease this pain and grant me the strength to tank through this, an unexpected thing happened.

My little sister, my sweet but under an anger management program but sweet nonetheless, she asked me to tune in to Lite.fm. I did and it was Jamie Scott's Unbreakable, the song that I mentioned here, was playing. And somehow, it helped me.

The Almighty One up there, He is Merciful. How He channeled the strength that I needed in the most unthinkable way there was, will always be beyond our imagination and knowledge.

'Cause baby, now we got bad blood.

I'm not saying I'm in denial. I was, probably. But I know that soon enough, I will have to face it. It's a good thing tho; having at least something to hold on to, rather than nothing. But at a very expensive price.

A month's effort, reduced to dust.

It's easy to spread a whole lot of my stories behind my back, my wrong doings. So easy, isn't it? But you know what's funny? What's funny is that I gladly accept them because to be honest, I am always ready to accept my mistakes because I realized, I'm a human and I can make so many mistakes, the small ones and the massive ones.

But could you actually do the same, i.e. admitting what was your mistake, your exploiting nature, your psychotic nature and how you still are that monster even after post-us period of time if I were to spread that story? Or your weaknesses, and the best part, your humongous mistakes that you'd rather sweep under the rug rather than facing em like a real man?

Of course you wouldn't.

A coward, who knows how to tell them people about my mistakes, but never turned even a glance at those downsides of yours when I pointed them out for you to change yourself, even when we were valid. 

And don't worry, I still remember you replying your ex's tweet so pathetically even after she unfollowed you during our time. So pathetic, that with one glance, it's like you're begging her to take you back. It's okay that you deleted your old tweets; clearing the evidence or erasing the past or just actually eliminating my chance to snapshot it or something so I could never prove it with your stupid "pics or it didn't happen" policy, whatever you call it. But I still remember; we both know the real truth and never did I tell any of my friends or spreading how pathetic you always are; with her and also, with me. If you still get what I mean, heh. 

Tapi kalau dah terdesak, it could be fun to see how you react to that, no? Probably denying it like there's no other and say that I'm creating stories, further ruining my image; caring only to save your supposedly "clean" and "I could never make any mistake because I'm the best person there is in this world and I am always right no matter what" kind of image. When will you realize that you are a normal human being who makes mistakes too and how many things about you that you were supposed to change but never want to, I could never know. I will always pray for that, tho. Insya-Allah, I hope that will be an enlightening moment for you, rather than an embarrassing or humiliating one.

Stop everything. Stop the stories. Stop coming here. Stop acting like you care. Stop the "oh stop hoping on me; oh for fear you still might holding on; oh it wasn't easy for me too; oh you must move on" bullshit because one thing's for sure, if it was easy for you (and btw, stop the pathetic "Oh it wasn't easy for me either" crap), then nothing was ever real and everything was about fitting me into your mold and until the moment I can't be melted anymore, you left for another one that could be melted.

Or better, the one who no need no melting.

How easy and fast you've found the person that fits, is enough proof as it is.

Haha, I love italicizing words. Makes them words even more obvious and easier for the readers to connect the dots *flips shawl*

Stop being that bastard who touches hearts out there, turning their life completely to just accommodate you and make it revolve around your life, only to leave them when the time gets real hard.

Just stop.