Pre-Raya post.

There's no one to blame when I now am seeing slightly-blurred alphabets on my computer screen. Which at this rate, is somewhat alarming, considering that this case started about a year ago. And back then, it was on the lecture hall's white screen. I suspect my new obsessive habit of reading off ebooks from my little phone is the main cause.

Anyway, it's nearing Raya, and honestly, I couldn't wait to get home. Although this year's gonna be so different since Adan is not gonna come back from Queenstown, so we've ditched the "new baju raya" tradition and all. Hell, I ain't even gonna wear the traditional baju kurung. More like a batwing top thing with a mermaid skirt. Weird, I know. And since I've bought this new rice cooker last month (which apparently got ruined just now after my attempt of making murtabak maggi; in my defence, I've successfully made it before using it but I guess things got too hot this time HAHAHAH k not funny), I've tried to make this kek batik for the first time in my life and it turned out just fineeeee so I wanted to make it for raya.

My baby Polaroid (although it's not much of a baby it's so old luls) is coming home for the first time and I've not use it since my first picture so insya-Allah I'll have enough film to get through raya.

Yeay.

Okay I've just realized something. I was just looking at my board in from of me and my Maori Hei Matau necklace looks like them Lorien branding but mine's shaped like a, duh, fish hook instead of the circular ones. I'm a fishy Loric! Haha geddit geddit? Gila hambar.

While we're on that subject, their sixth book, The Fate of Ten (which the leaked-cover looks suspiciously like it's frosted with ice, a direct reference to Marina of the sea maybe? and I'm genuinely intrigued to find out what'll happen to Ella and Ra's curse thingy) is coming out in about two months! Honestly, I can't wait to get my hands on that book. No, this time I'll try yo get the actual, real book instead of another ebook in my iBook app. I mean, I was hooked when I read the whole (existed) series the first time 'round and right now, I'm rereading them all again and perhaps still remember it when the TFoT comes out.

Don't get me wrong, it's the legacies and numbers that made my head all jumbled up. Like, Four with his Lumen and stuff, Six and her weather, Marina and healing and her ice (which is so cool!), Nine with his everything like seriously, I think he's the coolest. And to think, all of them Garde has more than one legacies (or powers) in each of them.

And (well I've so much to share I guess) for the first time in my life, I've gotten the chance to shop at the Big Bad Wolf! To get eighteen books is so good and self-satisfying, given that I've indulged too much in Cecelia Ahern's books lately, that I've had this strange animalistic to read and read and read more than I used to. I also bought books for my family; I've never had the chance to give them anything really, so a tailored-gift-book for each of em will hopefully make them happy.

It's already past two in the morning. I'm sure he's gonna be upset about how late I stayed up but he also knows how hard it is for me to go to bed early. I mean, this shitty schedule developed when I first start to worry about my intern thing. I mean, I could be awake till it's nearly four worrying about stuff. Yeah it's not healthy, but when I try to sleep, well, that's when my mind starts to question me about loads of ridiculous stuff. Till now, which makes it all not-awesome.

Well, I don't have the best of cuticles and shiz. But violet's cool eh? *winks*

I guess, I'm gonna just baring. Maybe I'll fall asleep faster AND I will stop ranting. Good night y'all!

Another post-reading madness.

Do you know the feeling when you feel like life is going to fail you? Like it has gone dark, no matter how bright the sun shines on you? Like how two bad stuff happened to you consecutively that you had the compelling urge to shout "Oh what the hell man?!" to the world? And in the end, you felt like lying on the bed, curling into the well-known fetal position and just feel empty?

From my experience, I know it's ridiculous to say "It's all going to be okay" to the person who's feeling all those. But believe me, as a survivor from the depths of endless abyss (that turned out, it has a bottom. Oh yeah), it will get better.

From my recently finished read, some people will see that at some point of the abyss, the only way out from its suffocating darkness is ending your own life. Even with my background; surrounded by people who would think that option is the stupid-est choice in the history of ever, I would most definitely understand. And as ridiculous as it sounded, find someone you could talk to. Be it a hotline when the people around you are a bunch of assholes, but talk about it.

I know that I live in a very fabricated world, made up of a hopeless romantic person, a thinking from a very pessimistic mind, completed with a sarcastic and bitter tongue. I have just finished a book that I've got to force myself to use up the book vouchers on the expiry date itself; How To Fall in  Love, by Cecelia Ahern, and what I've realized was, there's always someone to talk to. Even when you feel like there's nobody, but believe me, there's somebody.

There's always a somebody.